Hello Self!

How do I meet myself?

By overlooking differences and seeing oneness
By assessing wisely but not judging widely
By introspection, not extrapolation
By accepting, not expecting

By rising above the noise
By waiting out the storm
By leaving the heard
By carving my path

By listening not simply hearing
By observing not merely seeing
By feeling not just touching
By sensing rather than smelling
By conversing not only talking
By practicing not purely preaching

By loving without conditions
By living without concerns
By flying free without wings
By being patient but not pervasive

By saying bye-bye to the Ego
By getting introduced to my inner Self

Hello Self. Its nice to finally meet you. 

Adhoori Hasratein

Kuch hasratein reh jaati hai khali khali
Kayin khwab reh jaatein hai gumsum
Zindagi guzar jaati hai inhein paane mein
Aur yunhi aas lagaye jiye jaatein hain hum

Kabhi agar tahar ke socha hota
Toh joh paya hai usse sambhala hota
Sameta hota un adbhoot lamhon ko
Aur dafnaya hota na kaam sapno ko

Lekin insan ki fidrat mein theraav kahan?
Hasil karne ka junoon rehta hai sada
Rukja Rukja oh bhataktein musafir
Tu jo khoj raah hai woh milega nahin wahan

Woh toh hai tere andar, chupa hua, sahma hua,
Intezaar mein ke tu kab bichayega apni nazarein
Woh khushi hai jo rehti hai hum sab mein
Aur hum dhunde rehtein hai usse ek doosrein mein

Aaj hua hai yeh ahsaas, ki yeh kitna fisool hai
Kaash kal bhi yeh salaah yaad rahein...

Bikini Body (A Poem)

A bikini body? Well not quite

More like a body in a bikini

With curves and folds

Sometimes more folds than curves

Folding soccer jerseys

While driving a teeny bit fast on curvy bends

Timing is everything

After all little league matches don't happen everyday

Neither do ballet performances

Daily happenings are morning bus rush

Evening homework hell

And weekend extra curriculars

So what is that one additional curve?

Or those innocuously looking folds?

Sometimes accompanied with a stretch mark or two

Or that ominous C-section scar

That voice that says "yes baby I will be with you in a minute"

But the tone that whispers "just another few minutes of peace please"

The hand that grasps the little fingers

The hug that is always a little tighter than expected

The fold in the laugh lines

The curve in the tired smile

Every fold has a story

Every curve a history

But few would care to listen

After all it's only a body in a bikini

Not a bikini body

Why Mums vs. Maids won't lead to behavior change #mumsvsmaid #igiveadayoff

In Singapore we are rather spoilt. We have full time live-in help. They help us with household work, grocery shopping, cooking, special tasks like returning overdue library books (may be thats only me) and yes...looking after our children. Even though legally they should get a day off a week, many employers don't allow this basic right for their maids. Here is what was created as a solution to solve this issue.

If you have not yet seen it. https://youtu.be/jUxkOSkD8Rc

And here are my reasons on why this won't work

1) Total lack of understanding of the issue: Maids, like everyone of us, need to get their day off. It's their legal right. And it's inhumane for employers to deny them this basic right. If it's so obvious, why is it not practiced? If the intention is to solve the problem, this question needs to be answered.

So why is the question not asked, let alone answered? Because it's not sexy enough. Who wants to deal with real issues when you can simply create a 'provocative' video which will 'generate buzz'? Does it matter that the buzz is for all the wrong reasons? Nah. Who cares about right reasons?

2) The insight that is not insightful: Idea was to reposition the maid's day off as an opportunity to enhance family bonding- but if the maid has a day off on the working mum's day off, isn't the mum busy with regular household chores to actually spend quality time with her child? So it's a counter intuitive message. 

Maids deserve their day off for legal, moral and basic humane reasons. Not because mums need quality time with their kids. Mums get more of that when the maid is at home- cooking, cleaning, washing, grocery shopping and the whole long list of other household must-dos.

3) Blame and Shame does not work: Especially not when it comes to working mums. You believe the mum likes to be in office till 8 pm while the maid gives the child dinner? You think a mother enjoys missing soccer practice in lieu of training workshop so the maid can cheer when her son scores a goal? You think a mum relishes the opportunity to go on business trips leaving her child to be tucked in at night by the helper? Most of us simply don't have a choice in the matter.

Working mums have it the toughest. The guilt never wanes. The work seldom stops. We becomes master jugglers. Practicing our skills daily, relentlessly. Praying the balls don't drop. We do not need condescending, patronizing voices to make us feel we are failing our children. Because anyone who has not done this juggling, please shut the f$&) up! 

4) Your helper leaves her kids to look after yours: Yes she is earning a salary and making a living. But you can't shy away from the fact that many of our helpers have their own children back home. They don't see them for years at a stretch. They save every dollar they can to send home for a better life for their kids. For their schooling. For their clothes. For their food. For their shelter. Everything we take for granted here. 

For simply that reason she not only deserves a day off, but much more. She deserves our recognition, our empathy, our respect. Mother to Mother. Human to Human. 

5) So where's the dad in the equation? When the mum is busy working with no apparent time for her child, and the maid is bonding with the kid and knows that she wants want to be princess and not a teacher, what is the father doing?

Parenting is a responsibility of a father and a mother. Not the mother and the maid. So what about a campaign asking fathers to bear equal responsibility with the kids and giving the working mum a much needed afternoon nap and the maid her day off? 

Yes the video has succeeded in 'generating talkability', 'creating engagement', 'connecting the community' and whatever is the latest social media buzz word. What it won't do is resolve the issue. Because that needs people to be less selfish. To have empathy for the maid. To care for her like they do for your own family. To have basic respect. No ad campaign or video can teach anyone that.

We need to empower the maids to bring any injustice to attention of the authorities and create a safe environment for them so they can speak up. Wonder why no one bothered talking to the maids to really understand their issues? Oh yeah, who wants to see the ugly side of things? You don't win awards for that. And it sounds like way too much hard work.

The girl with a book (A Poem)

She dashes just in time for the final boarding call

Because airport book shops should never be missed

She adores browsing second-hand book stores

They smell of memories... like a long-forgotten kiss

Bookmarks are more than mere page pointers

They are used to pause a story; and start a dream

Dog ears are a strict no-no, never-ever

They bother her like dark coulds blocking a sun beam

Old friends are lost, new strangers don't even count

As she has her nose in her book, all profound

Hopelessly lost in the world of another's making

Immune to glances, unperturbed by sounds

The back of rickshaw, or on a sunny deck chair

Steps of a chaotic road corner, or a cafe by the beach

Sneaking through pages before meetings, between dinners

A book (or two) is always within her reach

When a story is over, a part of her dies a little death

When she opens the first crisp pages of a new one

She enlivens and brightens once again

For her mind to skip, to sing, to dance, to run

Characters are embraced like friends anew

Heroines idolized, villians admonished

Heroes captured in the mind's eye for years to come

Each one leaves his mark (but a few Darcy's are forever cherished) 

Don't stare, don't mind. She's not ignoring you on purpose

She simply doesn't desire that second look

She enthralled, she's captivated

Coz she will always be the girl with a book

Alvida eh farishta (Goodbye oh Angel)- A poem

Ek nadi hai, ek bahar hai

Ek roshini ki pukar hai

Ek hai chavi sharmayi si

Ek hai saya sahema sa

Ek hai kahani ansooni

Ek hai nagma soona soona

Ek hai hasi khilkhilati hui

Ek hai umeed dabdabati hui

Ek hai rimjhim ka salona sawan

Ek hai kadakti dhoop ka alaam

Ek hai sooraj cham chamata

Aur kayin hai tarein jhilmilatein

Unhi taaron men kya ek ho tum?

Yaan raat ki tanhayi me kaid ho tum?

Bus itni ki khabar hain humein

Ki ab dekh na paayenge hum tumhein

Nahin kar payeinge woh chulbuli baatein

Nahin baant payeinge gum bhari saugatein

Kaash humare paas hotein chan aur pal

Kaash humne guzarein hotein kuch aur lamhein

Ab in moothibhari yaadon ko kitna sametein?

Tumhare saath inhe dafna bhi nahin saktein

Yeh rahengi humare zehn mein sada

Bus ab hum sirf keh saktein hain alvida

Alvida eh farista, alvida

Is it Selfishness in the garb of Feminism? #mychoice

At the onset, let me get this out of the way. I know we women have had it tough. We still do. Female infanticide is still being practiced. Men rape women for pure lust, revenge or simply because they can. Women are paid less for the same job. And expected to leave their flourishing careers to raise babies. Yes gender discrimination exists. In some countries and cultures more than others.

However I find today's 'modern' women are increasingly hiding under the veil of feminism.

If a women decides to quit her job to look after children, it's considered normal, noble even. Catch a man do that, and eye brows are raised and quick assumptions are reached "He probably lost his job. Poor guy has no choice. Why else would he swap diapers for dollars?"

A woman coming home at midnight after an office party is exercising her choice. A man doing so is being a prick for ignoring his family.

After a long stressful day a work when a woman has to wash the dishes post dinner, we pity her. But then what about the housewife's or stay at home mums who insist that their husbands have to participate, equally if I may add, to all the household and children chores, despite being the breadwinners who put in 12 hour days at work? 

When a man painstakingly cooks dinner for his wife (even if it's Maggi 2-minute noodles) it's considered romantic. But when a women does the same she is judged as being a doormat.

Ladies kitty parties and 'tai tai' high teas are an acceptable lifestyle. And a man needs to cajole his wife and buy her presents to get a boys night out pass. 

Where is the equality in any of this? Feminism is not about putting men down. It's about being equal. So same rules apply. What's wrong for the gander is wrong for the goose too. 

If we women want the privilege of having a choice to do as we please, we have to bear the responsibility of those choices. 

I opted for a three day work week when my son was born. I was passed over for promotion. Twice. This is NOT discrimination. It's fair. Fair on the man who got the promotion as he was working his ass off, while I organized play dates. Yes it was my choice, but it came at a price that I am to some extent still paying for. My choice. My price. 

Wearing shorts  and singlets is as much my right as wearing a sari. Strangely in world we live in today I will be ridiculed for the latter and applauded for the former. 

A mother plays the baby card and is exempted from working weekend, while men pick up the slack. 

Women who choose to not have a baby are judged more by other women than by men. A 'career women' is berated for her choice. As is a stay at home mum. By women. Us women judge. One way or the other.

Stop. Take a breath. Menfolk are not against you. You are fighting you own inner battle. You want to make your choices emphatically, but don't want the burden of the consequences. 

I find many women conflicted nowadays. Simply because we have way too many choices. Ask yourself "What do I want?". And then make a plan to make it happen. Accept the good and the bad of the choice. Stand up and take responsibility for that choice. And remember your choices affect the ones around you. Making choices unequivocally is not asserting your feminism. It's purely being selfish. 

I would like to clarify that women referred to here are the educated, high social economic class, urban women. Women who have a tons of choices. The biggest one is being true to who they are inside. So if you want to quit your job to pursue your passion, talk to your husband, plan your finances and do it! And if you want to put your child in day care to focus on your career, don't play martyr-mum. And if you are lucky to be footloose and fancy free and capable of paying your own bills, then go ahead and do whatever the hell you wish. Because when you decide to share your life with someone, they become a part of your choices. Trick is finding someone who will stand by your choices. As you will stand by his (or hers).