The perfect Christmas presents

Wish these were available off-the-rack as Christmas presents


1) Ready to wear spines for the ones who have no backbone

2) Thick skin coats for the overtly sensitive

3) A custom made smile (tailored to the face so it does not look fake) for the grumpy

4) A ‘change the channel’ button for the boring ones

5) A built in kind heart for the meannies

6) A laugh track for the humorless

7) A volume button for the loud ones

8) A mute button for the loud and stupid ones

9) A punch in the face for 7 and 8 above who continue being loud and/or stupid

10) And finally a doze of patience (not the prescribed variety) for me when I have to bear any or all of the above