Are you truly free?

India celebrated its Independence Day yesterday. It's the day British gave the reign of India into Indian hands. Indians got their freedom. We became our own rulers. We opted for a democratic form of government on the principles of secularism and equality. 

Over the last 67 years we have come a long way. I am not going to list our accomplishments as there are too many to state and am sure you know about all of them. However even I am not naive or patriotic enough to deny that there are too many grave issues that still plague this so called great nation of hours. Infrastructure, cleanliness and women's safety are paramount in my opinion. As these form the basis of any civilized society. 

But there is no denying that Indians are free today. We are free to:

- Follow the religion of our choice, at our place of worship, with our community, celebrating our festivals
- To speak our minds without having to register at a speakers corner
- To travel to most parts of the country without the threat of being in midst of a civil war
- To have access to technology and uncensored information that enables us to learn and grow
- To be entrepreneurial and pursue a vocation of our choice whether it's a bar dancer or a doctor
- To think big. To aspire. To dream. And have tremendous opportunities to make it all come true

It's the freedom such as above that we take for granted as we have always had it. Freedom is one of the values that is recognized only when it's taken away from you. 

Question is what are YOU doing with this freedom? 

- Are you using it put others down in the name of religion?
- Or to constantly complain about issues and 'participate' in TV debates without actually taking simple steps towards change?
- Or to separate ourselves from each other on the basis of our language and state?
- May be utilizing technology to becoming more selfish  and self glorifying? 
- Are you really capitalizing on this freedom when you are chained to a desk for a job you despise?
- Are you merely at the beck and call of every materialistic acquisition which you feel will make your life fuller?

Our forefathers fought and died to give us a free nation. Yet today we are trapped in the world of our own making. A world where connections are more important than connecting. Where we have jobs but no passion. Passion but no love. Love but only on our terms. We have big houses and smaller hearts. Gourmet meals but low appetites. Exotic travels but no discovery. Penthouses with panoramic views but a tunneled vision. Lesser kids and even lesser time for them. We are surrounded by treasured objected but disposable people. We exist, but do we really live? 

As India struggles with its innumerable problems at multiple levels, you can do one of two things. Get involved and make a difference to our country's future. Or simply change yourself for the better. The freedom that you believe you have complete entitlement over, put it to some good use. Improve yourself by looking beyond your restrictive view of yourself and your immediate family. Take small steps towards your own growth. If we all do the same India will be taken care of by itself.

As Mahatma Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the world".

Jai Hind! 

So what was your excuse this Independence Day?

The day has come to an end. Another day in another month in another year to most people all over the globe. But it’s not! This very day 63 years ago, India got Independence from the British Rule after years of struggle. It is a special day. It should be a special day. A day when you remember all the sacrifices made by so many great men and women, thanks to who, you and I live the kind of life we do today.


My guess would be most of urban Indians living in the India ‘metros’ take 15th Aug as another public holiday (and this year they would whinge how it falls on a Sunday and hence they ‘lost’ a holiday). And most people living outside India, well it’s just another day...if it’s a weekday, you get dressed, drop kids to school, go to work, come back home, sleep, the usual humdrum. And if it falls on a weekend like it did today, well then there is no need to get early out of bed is it?

But that’s not true right?

We get up early on weekends for various different reasons:

- Morning run

- Morning sex

- Biking

- Brunch with eggs Benedict and Mimosas

- Or simply because kids don’t let us sleep in

- Etc, etc

So why could you not have got up today and gone to the Indian Embassy in Singapore for flag hoisting?

It started at 9.00 am and lasted less than 10 mins. The flag is hoisted and you sing the National Anthem. If you don’t the words, you just stand still, and sink that amazing patriotic feel in the air. After which you need to stay only if your kids were performing on stage, or if you simply feel like it.

10 minutes. That’s all. And in Singapore travel time cannot exceed more than 20 mins in cab at that time.

So what was your excuse?

- Lazy?
- Boring?
- Lame?
- Not worth getting out of bed for?
- Or worse of all- it’s just not something professional expat Indians do?

In all the years I have lived here, I cannot help but notice that the majority of the audience are young students and people in the diplomatic circles. From all my expat Indian friends, only a handful (think I need only one of my hands to count) attend the flag hoisting.



Why is that so? I simply cannot fathom!

1) Are you ashamed of your country? Then f&**ing give up your nationality! The Indian passport does not come with very many privileges in the first place. Give it up. Don’t bother being an Indian any more.

2) Or are you ashamed of yourself? How can an educated, rich, professional, expat be seen with the riff-raff of students, workers and government babus? What would it do to your reputation amongst your colleagues and friends? Won’t they laugh at you? Poke fun? (I know! It happens to me all the time. But it never fazes me)

3) Or you simply don’t care? The thought just does not cross your mind perhaps? But yet, you never forget to watch the latest SRK blockbuster do you? Or trying out the latest Indian restaurant in Singapore? Then why can’t you remember this day?

4) Or is it just that you don’t think it’s important enough? You feel you love your country and are proud of it, so why do you need to attend a flag hoisting of Independence Day? I think many of you would probably fall in this category. (Though I personally know many people who fall in the category 1 and 2 as well). I would like just to remind you that expression of an emotion is almost as important as an emotion itself. Doesn’t your spouse get angry with you when you don’t tell her enough that you love her? You know and she knows that you do. But she needs and desires that expression. Don’t you express your admiration for children’s smallest successes? Don’t you call long distance to wish your parents on their birthdays and anniversaries? Don’t you leave funny and caring posts on friends Facebook profiles?


Then why can’t you express your love and gratitude to your Motherland? Is attending flag hoisting the only way to do it? Of course not! But is it a symbolic expression of patriotism? Yes it sure is!

 And it will do wonders for your own soul. To be with your fellow countrymen, singing (or humming) Jan-gan-man, seeing the tiranga flying and knowing however far you may be, you always have home to return to- there is not a calmer feeling in the world.


And after those 10 minutes are over, go lead your regular life. (I went for a breakfast at Jones, read Life! and then headed home)

But the feeling of pride in my heart of where India has reached today, makes my heart bigger, my smile wider and my courage stronger. Coz if we survived the colonial rule and started with next to nothing just a generation ago, we can pretty much do anything.

Today India is the largest democracy which has elected a women and a minority Prime Minister (USA has never had a woman President till now, and elected its first minority President only last year). It is slated to be the 3rd largest economy in next 40 years (after USA and China). Is home to the great invention of our times- the cheapest car in the world, Tata Nano. And has given the world visionaries like Narayan Murthy, creative geniuses like Tagore and legends like Gandhi (amongst the trivial though commercially viable Ms. Universes and Ms. Worlds).


As Indians we not only survive the odds, we excel.


So let’s please just give due to the country that makes it all possible.

Jai Hind!

Quotable Quotes by Sanil

On his Kamal maama’s wedding:



“The wedding is over, now the ‘recession’ will start.”

On his Kamal maama’s wedding “reception”
________________________________________________________________________________


“What will I BE at Kamal’s maama’s wedding? Like a page boy, or ring bearer, what will I BE?”

_______________________________________________________________________________


On India


“When we were on the bridge it felt like we were in Singapore, after we crossed the bridge, we are now back in India.”

On the Bandra-Worli Sea Link

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“What I like most about India is that if you have dollars, everything is way cheaper."
On comparison between India and Singapore
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Me: India is one of the oldest civilizations in the world
Sanil: Is that why all the roads are broken?

________________________________________________________________________________On Cricket


Sanil: “Is Kamal mama the best cricketer in the world?”

Me (sarcastically): “YES. He is better than even Tendulkar.”

Sanil (in all innocence): “Who?”

__________________________________________________________________________________


“Can I be the batter?”

Well, as we are playing cricket and not baking, I assume you mean batsman?

________________________________________________________________________________

On Career Choices


Me: “I want to change my career. Do something different.”

Sanil: “Become an ice cream cooker!”
Me (contemplating sending my resume to Ben and Jerry)
__________________________________________________________________________________


“I want to grow up and be a normal person. Not like a rockstar or race car driver, just a normal person who goes to office.”

On career plans that suddenly got very modest

_________________________________________________________________________________


On stuff that makes me go “awwwwwww”


“You are the most importanest girl in my life”

About and to his mom (that’s me!)

________________________________________________________________________________


Sanil: “When I grow up I shall get 2 houses, one for you and one for me.”

Me (chocked up in tears): “Really? Wow!” But a house can cost more than a million dollars. Do you have a million dollars?”

Sanil (in all sincerity): “OK. I will go check my piggy bank.”
______________________________________________________________________________


“If you are scared you can hold my hand”

To his mom during a thunderstorm

______________________________________________________________________________


On girlfriends and such


“I will go for my honeymoon to Goa”

Talk about forward planning!
________________________________________________________________________________


Sanil (waving at the pretty girl across the street)

Me (in a teasing voice): “Is that your girlfriend?”

Sanil (matter of factly): She used to be.”

________________________________________________________________________________


And other random ones


“B maama is taking me to the hair designer to get my hair gelled”

Errrr its Hair Dresser, but I get the point

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"Whatever" is just a rude way of saying "Yes"
______________________________________________________________________________

“What if maama’s son is a daughter?”
On his keen desire to have a male cousin. Errr gender confusion?

______________________________________________________________________________


“I want to take a rocket ship and go to outer space where everything is FUNNER. Not like earth where everything is boring!”

On homework and other boring earthly stuff

________________________________________________________________________________


“Don’t say that! You are breaking my feelings!”

You mean ‘hurting’ your feelings, but I get the drift!


_______________________________________________________________________________

Me: Congrats Sanil you came 3rd in the race (School sports day)
Sanil: Well I came ALMOST 2nd!
Me: That's a good spin on actually coming 3rd!

L’ll Ms. Anonymous Me

In India I am someone. In Singapore I am no one. In India I am defined by the innumerable relationships that I own (and which own me). I am someone’s daughter, someone’s (ex) daughter-in-law, someone’s sister, someone’s maasi, someone’s bua, and list goes on. In Singapore I am no one but Seema. Simple. No-fuss. Straightforward. Just Seema. Accept me like I am. Don’t like me? Well, I really couldn’t give a damn.

Here in Singapore, I don’t bear the responsibility of any relationship. I am not judged by any standards. And I am neither put up on a pedestal or fall from grace for seemingly inconsequential matters. I am simply, L’ll Ms. Anonymous Me.

I can wear my ugly cut shorts and 13 year old Tees and walk to Leisure Park Mall, do my grocer shopping leisurely (no pun intended), stop for a cuppa at Starbucks and take the shuttle bus back- all without being recognized by a single soul (except perhaps the shuttle bus driver).

In India I wear my ugly cut shorts and 13 year old Tees too (like I am right at this moment), but here it’s a transgression. My dad takes objection (not at length- since my weight loss it’s acceptable to wear shorts), but by the fact that they look ugly. My mum does not particularly favor them as it gives the impression I can’t afford expensive, nice-looking clothes. My darling niece is not pleased as they make me look far less pretty (especially as I aspire to compete as her favorite maasi and fail miserably- the shorts so don’t help). And many others for whom the length would most probably be an issue- but know me to well to ever mention it.

In India you carry the cross of every relationship. Each one comes with its own set of expectations and I seem to fall short on all counts. Not living up to them makes me “too arrogant” and “too independent”- when the latter became a bad thing is simply beyond me.

But in India there is TREMENDOUS LOVE. Every time I come here its like I am showered incessantly with so much love that it helps me tide the year to my next visit. But the love does come at the price of expectations. And even though most of them are silent ones, you know they are lingering there. May be if I were my own person in India things would be different, but right now I am just someone.

In Singapore I am no one. I get defined by no relationships- except Sanil’s mum.That’s the ONLY aspect where Singapore rules over India- here I can be L’ll Ms. Anonymous Me.

The Indian aunty art to giving compliments

Have you ever noticed how Indian aunties give compliments? They mean well (or I sure hope they do), but it does not really sound like a compliment even though its intended as one.


Here are my few favorites:

Situation: Lift Lobby
Attire: Jeans and singlet

Aunty: "OMG! Kitni patli ho gayi hain (OMG! You have become so thin!)
Me: Thank you auntyji (in my politest tone- and yes I do have one)
Aunty: Really....bahut jyada patli ho gayi hai (Really you have become very thin)
My Dad: Don't say so much, she will start eating a lot again (Thanks dad!)
Aunty: Nahin pehlein bahut bahut bahut moti thi na (No, earlier she was really very very very fat)
Me: Thank you auntyji (this time feigning my politeness)

Situation: Wedding
Attire: Awesome lehenga with hairdo and make-up

Aunty (looking at me lovingly): Kitni sundar ho gayi hai (You have become so pretty now)
Me: Toh pehlein nahin thi? (You mean I was not pretty before?)
Aunty (too stunned to reply)

Situation: Wedding
Attire: Gorgeous sari

Aunty (to my cousin): You were looking so beautiful at the Sangeet ceremony yesterday…..(after looking closely)…actually that was not you, it was your sister.

SERIOUSLY!!???

Here is a tip aunties, say something nice and then stop. Don’t explain or elaborate. And yes, being little more tactful would go down well too.

A story a minute…..

Since the day I arrived in India I had blogposts in my head (OK that sounds a tad bit crazy) but that’s what India does to me. At any given time there are minimum of 5 things vying for your attention.


Mom: “You want Chila for breakfast?” (No! I only eat cereals YUCK! for breakfast to keep my weight in check). Dad “What time do you need the driver?” MTV- Trailer of ‘Pa’ (Vidya and Abhi are looking fabulous together!). Bombay Times- Some Kareena-Kurban-backless controversy, generated by the Sena of course. And the phone ringing with my best friend asking about the plans for the evening (which in Bombay context means 8 pm). And yes, all this at the exact same time!

So naturally there is so much fodder for writing. Potential topics: “How it is impossible to maintain a diet when holidaying in India”. “The 10,000th controversy raised by Sena which involves women and clothes (or the lack thereof)”. “IST: Morning = 12 noon, Afternoon = 5 pm, Evening = 8 pm, Night = 11 pm; Late night = 2 am). There you go….

In India there is inspiration everywhere. In Singapore we lead very one-dimensional lives. You generally do one thing at a time- or maximum of 2 if you are Ms. Multitasking like me. In India, it’s a whole different ball game (actually in India it’s not a ball game at all, its cricket, and that too in the new 20-20 format).

Sounds (what non-Indians would refer to as “noise”) are also unique here. Door bells (every 10 minutes- no exaggeration). Phone rings (mobile and landline- really, how popular are my parents?! And why has no one in India discovered that you can have a “silent” ring tone. Yes! It’s actually an option! Your phone does not have to sing ‘Chiggy Wiggy’ in Kylie Minogue’s voice)”. Car honks (there should be a day a month where drivers should not be allowed to blare their card horns- it would be a Guinness record for self-restraint). Mom talking to the kaam waali bai, bargaining with the bhaji wala at the door step and giving her recipe for paneer makhni to her niece (yes at the same time). And finally, the TV at a volume level that NEEDS to be that high so it can be heard above the rest of the din. (or that’s what my dad tells my mom).

But life still happens amongst all this chaos. Things miraculously get done in this madness and people carry on with their everyday lives with remarkable ease. There is so much happening that every minute there is a new story unfolding. As I said there is inspiration 24x7 in India.

I think that’s the reason there is never dearth of movie scripts- India is the world's largest producer of films, producing close to a 1000 films annually.vs. Hollywood which release approximately 650). That’s why there is a thriving advertising industry here where TVCs are still a form of entertainment. India is also the 3rd largest country publishing English books after USA and UK.

There are stories everywhere you look. I am only trying to capture a handful of them in my short time here.

An Indian First!

Bal Thackeray recently made a statement about Sachin Tendulkar "You became run out in the pitch of Marathi minds" as Sachin had said that he was "an India first and a Marathi after".

Cut to many years ago at a Diwali party in Singapore (my very early years in the country), a British man was talking to a group of Indians about the festival and its significance. He also mentioned that Diwali was probably the biggest Indian festival. It was a rhetoric question- not a question at all- but it got a varied range of responses. “Actually it’s a Hindu festival, we Parsis don’t celebrate it”. “In East India where I come from, Durga Puja is much bigger”. SERIOUSLY!!!

Foreigners have difficulty grasping the concept of India and we choose to complicate it further by referring to ourselves as Gujuratis, Sindhis, Parsis, Christians, Bengalis…Who outside India gives a flying F%^$!

And frankly why should people in India care too? Your motherland rules and everything else come after. We are Indians FIRST! Why is that so difficult to comprehend?!

Secondly your origins should be attributed to your city- the city you grew up in, where you studied, which gave you your childhood school memories (and best friends for life), your “first time” teen years and perhaps even your career and life partner. It does not matter which religion you are, which caste you belong to, the city you grew you up in makes up a big part of who you are. You could be a Kashmiri who has been bought up in Gujarat or a Gujrati who has lived all his life in Chennai.

Then in the scheme of things enters your religion- practicing or not practicing- your religion is a key aspect of your values and beliefs system. I may go to the temple or gurudwara once a month and on special occasions (Diwali, birthdays), but that does not make me an less religious than a Muslim who prays 5 times a day and a Christian who goes for Sunday mass every week.

And FINALLY, LAST, ALL THE WAY DOWN, RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM (you get the drift) is your caste- Maloo, Bengali, Tulu, Sindhi, Punju, etc etc etc. It’s the least important part of who you are and should be.

We keep falling in the trap laid by the British Raj that was conceived to rule over us- “Divide and Rule”. It kept them in power for very many years.

Let’s break from those shackles. Isn’t it time enough?

So I am an Indian first, a Bombayite (or Mumbaikar with due respect to Balasaheb) next, a Hindu after and Sindhi last. What about you?

The Great Indian Sacrifice

Elder brother, younger brother both fall in love with the same girl- but they both don’t know that about each other. Elder brother finds out that the love of his life is also the woman of his brother’s dreams. So what does the elder brother do? Step aside of course! Without telling anything to his younger brother. And pretending to the girl he loves, that he actually despises her. The girl then finds solace in the younger brother’s arms.


But hey, the story does not end there. The younger brother finds out about his elder brother’s feelings and the great sacrifice (usually through an overhead conversation between elder brother and mum/dad/best friend/sister). And what does younger brother do? Step aside of course!
And it need not be 2 brothers i.e. “Saajan”; it could be 2 best friends i.e. “Muqaddar ka Sikandar”, “Saagar”, “Naseeb” (the list can go on and on).

SERIOUSLY! Did anyone consider asking the girl who she wants to be with? May be it was neither of the 2 self-sacrificing dimwits!

What is with Indians and their penchant for sacrifice? Mothers are another guilty party. Forever sacrificing for their sons and daughters. And brothers for their sisters and vice-versa.

Sometimes I feel we are stuck in a 70s-80s social drama film wherein sacrifices reigned supreme. Remember the struggling Nirupa Roy of Deewar? The handsome and pained face of Vinod Khanna in Qurbani? (As he sings for “Hum tumhe chahatein hain aise” to Zeenat on the beach).

And the greatest sacrifice of all- Jai (Amitabh) giving up his life for his best buddy Veeru (Dharamendar) in Sholay. Sigh! And a lesser known one by Naseer in Karma. And Jackie in 1942- A love story. And the list is long...

Our female protagonists also are not left behind. Juhi Chawla in Aaina. A change of pattern here, with the younger sibling being the “sacrificing Sita”.

I believe this is because we all Indians suffer from a Ramayan and Mahabharat hangover. Brother’s sacrifice for bother- Bharat-Ram, Laxman-Ram in Ramayan; the Pandav brothers in various permutations and combinations in Mahabharat. Sita’s trial by fire coaxed by Ram and ignited by a dhobi (why a dhobi* I always wondered?). We are kinda ODed on mythology stories and almost every story has its roots seeped in sacrifice.

I think sacrifices are noble and some even pure (like the ones made by mothers). But I do think many times we give ourselves too much importance and the other person too little credit. May be they don’t need our sacrifices? May be they simply need a helping hand or a friendly chat? Or may be they don’t really need us at all?

Now that’s a thought! May be selflessness is just overrated? Who am I kidding?! I could not survive a day being selfish. The guilt would simply kill me. But I will aim for some emotional detachment and see where I net out. On that positive (ish) note, I sign off. Good Night!


* It is said that because of what the dhobi did to Sita, there is a curse on dhobis worldwide (OK, India-wide)- that as a community they will never really prosper and their strata in society will never rise. Probably true…have never really met an affluent dhobi. But may darzis (tailors) have transformed into fashion designers. Food for thought....