Thursday, February 13, 2014

Complete. Delete.

Two to tango

Good things come in pairs they say. Oreos and milk. Coffee and cake. Sun and sea. Movies and popcorn. Sunglasses and hats. No one actually says 'sunglasses and hat', but they are two of my favorite accessories which I think look fantastic together. 

Since childhood we have been introduced to pairs. Mum and Dad. King and Queen. Princess and Knight. In fact most Hindu Gods are a team too- Shiva and Parvati. Ram and Seeta. Krishna and Radha*. The concept of a pair is deeply ingrained in our psyche. 

I had tears rolling down my cheeks when I heard Tom Cruise mouth "You complete me" to Renée Zellweger in Jerry Maguire. I thought they are one of most romantic words ever. To find someone with whom you feel complete. Without whom you are merely a part of your true self. Someone who fills up the missing bits in you.

It's a beautiful, romantic concept is it not?

Now flip this over.

After removing the rose tinted glasses, you realize that this basically means that for a major part of your life (or may be even all your life) you will be incomplete. Either you will be looking for your soulmate. Or you may be with someone who smothers instead of completes you. 

So you are going through your life, being only half of yourself. You are unable to enjoy experiences fully, as you are merely a part of your whole self. And you can start really living your life fully, only after you have found the proverbial better half.

It's an insane, messed up concept is it not? 

To believe, or not to believe, that's the question

Recently many of my lifelong beliefs are being challenged. By knowledge. By intellect. Sometimes by simple logic.

It's said its difficult to find happiness within ourselves. And it's impossible to find it outside. So if happiness resides in us, and we can reach down and discover it, why would we need anyone outside to complete us? 

Worth a thought isn't it?

 I feel like I have lived a whole lifetime in this last few years

I faced challenges I thought I would never need to deal with. I experienced pleasures I never thought existed. Friends I had known for over a decade turned away and did not stand by me when I needed them most. People who had not even been in my life before then, are my closest friends now.

There were times I thought I could not go any further. There were moments when I felt at the top of the world. There were occasions when I cried myself to sleep for days at a stretch. There were times when joy would simply not leave my side. 

In each of these firsts and every high and low moment, I felt whole. I did not need anyone to complete me. Yes there were times when I wished I could share the exhilarations. Or have some take away some of my worries.  But it was a temporary feeling. It came. It taunted me. I dwelt on it for while, sometimes more than necessary. But ultimately, that feeling went away. 

Leaving me alone...yet complete...

No one needs anyone to complete them. If you feel you are not a whole person, look inwards  and find the missing bits. Because rest assured, if you can't fill those gaps, no one else will be able to either. 

Life will always be a mixed bag. We all get what we deserve- the good and the bad. We just need to keep looking forward and moving ahead. One foot before the other. While keeping our eyes and heart open and savouring every moment that comes our way.

So whether you have a Valentine or you are alone, try and be complete by yourself. It not easy to go against what rom-coms teach us, but we sure can try! And today is day as good as any. 

* Krishna and Radha are purported to have the eternal, everlasting love. However they were never married. Krishna was married to Rukhmani and Radha to Anay. It's amazing how a culture which actively promotes marriages, actually worships the embodiment of true love...outside the  realms of marriage.

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