OUT OF ORDER

This was a message painted on an ugly board in yellow letters outside the elevator of my Bombay building at least thrice a week when I was growing up.

People sighed when they saw it and proceeded to scream at the ‘liftman’ (person employed to press the elevator buttons, be yelled at on such occasions and run errands for Kapoor aunty on the 5th floor).
Alternatively they climbed up the stairs.

I used to always imagine the elevator smirking at all of us huffing and puffing up the stairs and thinking “Now you know how it feels riding up and down all the time”.

Wish I could get my hands on that ugly painted board in yellow letters and add the word “mind” before “out of order” and then strategically place the board next to my desk. MIND OUT OF ORDER.
Having the message acts as a deterrent for anyone coming to me with inane requests and expecting sensible replies. My mind is out of order, remember?

So when you see me ploughing through 500+ emails and ask me at 10.50 am “Did you see my latest email asking you to attend the 11 am meeting”, I can say “Of course I did sweetie. And I chose to ignore it”.

Or when it’s known that I am handling 10 over projects at a single time, when am asked “Can you take this new brief on”? I can say “Oh yes! Just give it to my clone who sits on my right. I am the prettier one by the way”.

And my favorite, “The timeline is very tight”, and I can say with a very innocent smile “Tighter than that blouse you wearing?”

I know, I know, am being bitchy. But it’s so much fun than being nicey-nice all the time.

There is a land out there….where I can speak my mind, tell idiots off and stomp my feet and spin around when annoyed. As Tina Fey would say “I want to go to there!”