Love vs. Attachment
My dad has been trying to explain the meaning of love vs. attachment to me since a long time. I never really understood the difference- or bothered to- because like most things in life I felt I knew it all.
I knew what love was. It was tingling feeling in the bottom of your stomach. It the bright light in your eyes. It lives in the shy smiles and nervous laughters. It makes your heart soar with delight. You float on clouds. You grin like an idiot. You day dream, and then have sleepless nights, hugging your pillow tightly.
You want him to hold your hand forever. Caress your face. Kiss your lips. And gaze into your eyes. You wish to put your head on his shoulder. You want the flowers after an argument, the chocolates on Valentines, the jewelry on your birthday. You wish to indulge him with your cooking. And letting him show you off in front of his friends.
You both want to spend every second of every minute, every minute of every hour, every hour of ever day, every day of every week, every week of every month, every month of every year...phew...in each others arms. If your relationship lasts that long that is.
However at that moment, life without each other seems impossible to conceive.
You wait for the phone that rings less frequently. You stalk on Facebook to check where he really is, and with whom. You fret when he watches IPL instead of listening to every minutia of your day. You complain to your girl friends that he does not listen to you like he used to. You give him gift vouchers instead of thoughtful gifts like before. He continues with the perfunctory flowers and chocolates, but the sweet handwritten notes are absent. You both need space. You think the love is gone. And wonder if there was one in the first place.
Therein lies the conundrum. Love vs. Attachment.
Love is selfless. Attachment is selfish.
Love gives you faith. Attachment grants you fear.
Love makes you believe. Attachment leads to doubts.
Love releases. Attachment controls.
Love is pure. Attachment is, well...selfish again.
Love heals. Attachment hurts.
Love is in the heart. Attachment dwells in the mind.
Love prevails. Attachment perishes.
Give some thought to the ones you love. Your spouse, your boyfriend, your mum, your child, your sister, your friends, your cousins...yes you love them. No doubt. But it can be a pure, selfless love, only if it is unconditional. If you don't demand anything in return. Yet continue to give.
You give them space if that's what they want.
You give them advice if that's what they ask.
You give them time if that's what they need.
You simply give. You don't demand.
You keep them in your prayers, even though they choose to stay out of your life.
It's the toughest thing you will ever do. It's also the one that will give you the most peace.
Try it for a day. Then a week. Then a month. Then a year. Try it till it becomes a habit. A habit of loving without the expectations. Of giving without receiving.
Rise above the attachments. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.
Yours in love